Covid-19 restriction is gradually lifted, and you possibly have a lot of opportunities to come to Japan and meet Japanese people and some of you possibly want to have a Japanese boyfriend/girlfriend.
However, knowing the distinctive Japanese way of dating is important before dating Japanese people.
Otherwise, you possibly end up being rejected or dumped by them due to a lack of knowledge about the culture.
To have a successful relationship with your Japanese boyfriend/girlfriend, I’d like to introduce Japanese people’s dating culture.
Let me introduce myself. I am Hiro from Tokyo and I was born and raised here. I have a Japanese wife and she also gave me an opinion for writing this article.
Confession
We, Japanese people, consider it important to confess love and ask if it is ok to become a boyfriend/girlfriend first.
Otherwise, they never go into the next stages such as holding hands or kissing.
Often Japanese men tend to confess love to women and then start their relationship. (Of course, there are a lot of the opposite cases of ladies starting to confess love.)
If there is no such ceremony of confession, it is basically not appropriate to contact physically between males and females in Japan. (Otherwise, the relationship seems not serious)
People often confess love after their third date.
Physical contact is not appropriate in public.
We Japanese people never show affection in public and what they can do at most is holding hands.
There are a lot of Japanese people who feel uncomfortable seeing other people make out in public and the majority of Japanese people feel ashamed of doing this as well.
We Japanese people often hide where there is nobody or our own room if we want to make out.
When I went to other countries I always felt surprised of seeing couples make out in public and other Japanese people could possibly feel the same way.
Go Dutch when making a payment
If you go to a restaurant with your Japanese boyfriend/girlfriend and it is common to split the bill even on a 1 yen basis. (If a bill is 5,642 yen then they pay 2,821 yen each)
We, Japanese people, consider men and women to be equally treated in terms of payment.
However, there are several exceptions such as follows
- When the partner is on a birthday or any celebrating occasion.
- If one person is a worker and another is a student, the working person could possibly pay more.
- If the partner’s age is different, the older person could pay more.
The way calling their name
The way of calling partners’ names is different from just a friend. Before being in a relationship it is not commonly seen calling each other by their first name.
We, Japanese people, call each other by surname and -san (-san means Mr./Ms. in Japan) or -kun (to a man) if the relationship is not intimate.
Most couples call each other’s first name when they are officially being in a relationship.
Important events for Japanese couples
There are some important events for Japanese couples.
Christmas Eve (24th December)
Christmas Eve is the day spending time with your boyfriend/girlfriend in Japan and if you don’t have a partner on that day, it is one of the saddest days for them.
A lot of boys and girls try to find new lovers if it is near the Christmas season so that the day is not lame for them.
When I was in university I didn’t have a chance to have a girlfriend for 4 years, so I remember It felt Christmas season is one of the worst seasons of my life due to this reason.
Valentine’s day (14th February)
Valentine’s day is the day ladies give chocolate to men which the ladies love, so many Japanese people spend time with their lovers.
It is kind of good timing for ladies to confess their love to a man.
One typical case is that a lot of chocolates are inside an attractive man’s shoe rack in school on valentines day so a lot of men expect at least one chocolate to be inside the shoe rack on valentines day (some girls sneakily give chocolate to a man putting it inside his shoe rack) and it usually ends up nothing except your shoes is inside the shoe rack.
White day (14th March)
White day is the day when men return the favour of receiving chocolate from a girl and usually, men give candy, cookies or chocolate in return.
Some Japanese boys give accessories (necklaces or rings) to ladies to show affection.
Important points when dating with Japanese
There are some things you need to be careful about when you are dating with Japanese.
Be punctual
You should never be late for an appointment time.
If you need to be late more than 2 min, you should inform him/her in advance that you will be late and apologize (depending on the case).
Otherwise, the Japanese feel you are a lazy person or you don’t cherish him/her, even if you never think this way.
Japanese people are basically extremely punctual compared to other countries” people in daily life and if you are interested to know more about Japanese people’s punctuality, please see the below link.
Choose rather a fancy restaurant
If you have a date with Japanese for the first time and have lunch or dinner, you shouldn’t choose a chain or fast food restaurant unless they really want to go there.
You should rather choose a little fancy and good atmosphere restaurant.
Japanese won’t recognize it as a date if you choose those restaurants or they possibly feel you don’t cherish them.
Listen to what they say
Japanese people don’t tell their opinion often due to their culture but they actually love talking about themselves a lot.
They sometimes could be shy about expressing themselves in the beginning, so you may ask a lot about them (ask questions that they may have interested to answer).
If you become a good listener, you will make a good first impression.
Important points when marrying Japanese
There are some things you need to be careful about when you are dating Japanese.
Meet his/her parents
In Japan, introducing a boyfriend/girlfriend to their parents and receiving approval from them is mandatory if you wish to get married to the Japanese.
Often parents and daughters or sons are connected strongly in Japan (It is similar to other Asian countries.) and the parents sometimes interfere with their kid’s love relationship.
Especially, if you are a man, they wish to know your job status, marriage record, etc. and consider if it is appropriate for the marriage or not.
I know you will be very nervous if you meet his/her parent for the first time but this is basically all married people experienced.
Proposal and preparation of a ring
A proposal is usually necessary when you wish to get married to a Japanese.
Especially Japanese ladies wish to receive a proposal from a man they like.
Also, the preparation of an engagement ring is much better when proposing.
When I proposed to my current wife (both of us are Japanese) and gave her a ring at the same time 5 years ago, she looked greatly impressed and it was one of the most memorable moments in our life.
Conclusion
In this article, I introduced Japanese dating culture and hope you will understand overall Japanese people’s tendencies regarding dating, and hope you will have a successful lovely relationship with your current or future Japanese partner.
Thank you for reading this article till the end.
コメント Comment